Iapos;ve started working at the library again, albeit in a different department that (theoretically) should be less stressful than the old one. It means three days of the week Iapos;ll be going pretty much straight from classes to work, and Iapos;m down to one real day of weekend. Combine that with extra shifts for training this week, and Pirateapos;s next day off will be next Saturday.
On a Vesper note, I finally screamed at her and threatened a lawsuit if she didnapos;t get her shit together and start paying back some of what she owes me and my parents. Said "conversation" stuck me firmly in grumpy pants mode for a day or two, but I think Iapos;m recovered. Or maybe Iapos;m just too tired to be grumpy right now. I donapos;t know.
Anyway, onto the real reason I wanted to post.
I have a confession to make. Iapos;ve never really gotten over the self-esteem issues I had in high school (i.e. I was 40-50 lbs heavier and SUPER shy). I mean, I can walk by a mirror and be like, "Hey, I look pretty damn good, if I do say so myself" but when it comes to people complimenting me, or hitting on me, my usual reaction is somewhere along the lines of "Bwa?" *confused head tilt* I can get "cute" to process, but when someone throws "hot" at me, Iapos;m incapable of processing the connection between that word and myself.
Yet at the same time, I find it increasingly difficult to name a friend/associate who hasnapos;t hit on me at least once (excluding straight girls, and some gay guys*). To the best of my knowledge, two of my seven classmates are interested in jumping my bones, and of the others, one is 50-something, 3 are the preppy girl squad, and one is engaged and well-behaved (or trained, not sure which). Weapos;ve all heard the Jose story, but as awkward as that was, the second classmate takes the cake.
Jose and I were sitting in the hall, waiting for class to start, and Geeky Girl came and sat with us. Now, Iapos;m not closeted in the slightest at school. Iapos;ve spent the last two and a half months wondering how the crap Geeky Girl hadnapos;t picked up on the fact that Iapos;m gay. Well, sheapos;s no longer oblivious.
Jose and I were talking about movies, and I mentioned that Iapos;d seen Quarentine the previous weekend, pausing to note that it was okay, but the only thing really worth going for is the hot lead actress.
Geeky Girl: Wait. Did you say actress or actor?
Pirate: *confused stare* ... Actress.
GG: Oh.
Jose and Pirate stare at one another, Jose starts giggling quietly, while Pirate exercises her eye-rolling muscles.
GG: So... Um... Iapos;m not sure if I should ask this, but are you... Um...
P: Yes.
GG: Oh. Well, thatapos;s cool. I mean, I donapos;t have a problem with it**. Iapos;ve even done stuff with girls before. In fact, my fiance and I were sort of looking for a girl...
P: *horrified stare*
GG: I hope thatapos;s not awkward.
P: ... Uhhhhhhhhhm ... Hey look Classroomapos;s open *flee*
Jose has been laughing about it all week. Especially when GGapos;s fiance came in to pick her up yesterday, and sheapos;s been stuck to me like a barnacle.
I need to start dating again so I can just head these things off at the pass with "Sorry Taken"
Anyway, the gist of that is that Iapos;ve got a serious rift between my self image and how everyone else perceives me.
Right. Pirate go to work now. Blah.
bas noirs, alone danced i've lyric thousand times, alone dance they, alone dance sting they, alone dance remix.
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