Iapos;m not sure if itapos;s the meds or not, but I feel funny, like not sad.. But numb? And Iapos;ve been waking up feeling really nauseous the last few mornings.
Not that this is anything new (or even related), but I donapos;t feel like talking to anyone. Iapos;ve blown off everyone for the last week because I simply didnapos;t feel like seeing or dealing with anyone. It isnapos;t even anything personal against them. I donapos;t even feel like leaving my house. I tried playing wow, that couldnapos;t keep my attention. I started reading New Moon, and I only got about 20 pages in before that lost my interest too. The only thing I really feel like doing is going up to my parents cabin in Wrightwood, building a nice little fire in the fireplace and curling up in a blanket with a cup of hot chocolate and my dog to watch Harry Potter. Iapos;m craving the solitude that that house provides for me. I havenapos;t been up there in at least a year, and thatapos;s just... Weird. We used to go up there every weekend during the winter.
I miss everything about it. The cold, crisp air, the crunch of snow and dead leaves beneath my boots, the certain smell it had.. The sounds of my brother and sister and all of their friends when they were just teenagers. Ashleyapos;s posse always laughing, listening to whatever music was popular at the time, and my brotherapos;s, always watching pro snowboarding videos or playing video games and taking turns spinning drum n bass in his room. I was always alone up there, because, being the youngest, all of my friends were too young for their parents to let them be so far away for the weekend, so I was always very observant. Objectively watching, vicariously living through everyone else. I remember everything about it, fondly. Even if it was lonely at times. That house was always so full of life. I wonder if thatapos;s why I yearn so badly to be there right now.. It saddens me to think of it sitting there, idly as it is now, with nothing but the ghosts of our warm memories imprinted in itapos;s surrounding walls and 20 foot ceilings.
But itapos;s all I can think about.
Itapos;s the only place I want to be right now.
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